Monday, February 28, 2011
For Malaysian gays, hope for a better tomorrow
Article in Malaysiakini (9 Sep 2010)
by Pang Khee Teik
True Malaysian Story No 1: When she turned 13, Alia's father kicked her out of the house for dressing like a girl. As a child, Alia knew she was a girl, so she couldn't understand why her father kept scolding and beating her up for it - 'You're a boy, act like a boy!' Alia went and stayed with another transsexual.
They faced constant harassment from police and religious officers and counted themselves lucky when the worst they got was just extortion (some of her friends weren't so lucky).
Since nobody would give her a job, she was hungry all the time and had to sell her body to survive. When she was 17, she found out she was infected with HIV. She started working for a HIV organisation and saved enough to have a sex reassignment surgery. She also took up a part-time course and received her diploma in draftsmanship.
Alia went back to her kampung to show to her father that she had made something of herself. When she reached her kampung, she found out her father had passed away. She never got the chance.
True Malaysian Story No 2: On the day he was to go back to UK to continue his studies, Chris's parents asked him, son, are you gay? He told them the truth. That afternoon itself, they kicked him out of the home and cut off his allowance and funding. He couldn't continue his studies. A month later, however, still not quite settled, Chris received a call from his mom. Let's reconcile, she said, come back and we'll talk.
When he got home, his parents had called the cops, who took him to a police station and then to a hospital where his father asked the psychiatric unit to cure his son of homosexuality. But homosexuality is no longer regarded as a mental illness by the psychiatric profession worldwide. Two days later, Chris was discharged, but not before he had to pay the hospital fees with money borrowed from friends.
We like to lament that this country will become too liberal and permissive if we allow homosexuality and transsexualism. We believe that these 'vices' are tearing up families and societies. But see for yourselves, my friends, just who is tearing up who.
How many children do we want to kick out into the streets before we feel safe? What kind of a country is this where we consistently subject the most vulnerable segments of our population to more violence and discrimination? We have hatred in the streets, in the parliament, and in the homes. Have we gotten so used to hatred that we need to punish love now?
Acceptance is a family value, too
During a speech at The Annexe Gallery in Kuala Lumpur last year, Marina Mahathir questioned the logic behind the popular assertion that homosexuality causes societal collapse.
She said that if families accepted their children for who they are, there won't be any breaking up of families. They go on being a family. And since families make up the fundamental units of society, if society consists of loving healthy families, how will it collapse?
If we promote healthy, responsible, respectful relationships, regardless of choice of partners, then we are likely to get healthy, responsible, respectful society.
Appeal No 1: Perhaps families need learn to manage our expectations for our children's future more realistically and stop imposing our dreams over their dreams, stop being so violent to their hopes. But wait, people would say, we weren't encouraging violence and hate!
Yet by advocating the idea that homosexuals are somehow 'morally disordered' as the Catholic preacher said in his response to Rev Ouyang Weng Feng, we are condoning the prejudice, the disgust, the hatred. How else should people react to those who are 'morally disordered'?
Even people who sit on their armchairs and surmise, 'Oh, I don't mind homosexuals, but I don't approve of their lifestyle' are encouraged to assume that their approvals are highly sought after for someone else's life.
Disapproval snowballs into disgust, disgust avalanches into violence, until somewhere, a family throws its innocent child into the streets to fend for himself, a bunch of guys rape a lesbian to 'correct' her, some officers beat up a mak nyah till she lays lifeless in the drain, her life not even worth two paragraphs in the news the next day.
And we say no, we didn't beat her up, we didn't condone that violence. Yet our words did that long ago. Words like 'sick', 'immoral', 'pervert'. Words we uttered yesterday become sticks and stones in somebody else's hands tomorrow. The child, the lesbian, the mak nyah were all defenceless against them. So go ahead, tell them you are doing this to them to 'protect' traditional family values. It is easy to debate about homosexuality when it doesn't affect you.
On Malaysiakini recently, folks happily weighed in with opinions, facts, scriptures and outright condemnation, citing everything from theology to biology to the suggestion that people are justified in beating up gays. So macho, kan? Have we forgotten we are talking about real people here? That out there, tragedies are being enacted in the name of 'religion', 'national security', 'Asian values' and what have you.
Appeal No 2: Have we taken the time to really understand and listen to the other side? It is easy to condemn others, it is easy to accept a conclusion first and then find justifications later. How prepared are we to accept that not only were we grievously wrong but that our actions have resulted in so much pain and suffering?
Six times more likely
True Malaysian Story No 3: For 12 years of my life, I stopped myself from falling in love with men. From the age of 14 till I was 26, I tried to go straight. I took an active part in church, I led fellowships, I wrote church musicals. I prayed and fasted and went for church camps. I sang the loudest during worship - I was so annoying! - and desperate for God to hear me! Nothing worked.
Now, all of us recall bouts of depression during our teenage years. For LGBTs, (Lesbians, Gays, Bisexuals, Transgenders) our teen years appear like one long nightmarish bout from which we never wake. Statistically, we are six times more likely to kill ourselves than our straight peers.
Trust me, it is that bad, and then some. Most gays realise we are attracted to the same sex even before puberty and in our teens, we soon discover we are unlike our peers. We are also told we are 'freaks', 'criminals', 'monsters', 'sinners', 'abominations' and deserve to be punished, rejected and beaten up.
We are confused - we didn't choose to feel this way, and we certainly don't want to be so freakish, but the feelings won't go away. We believe something might be fundamentally wrong with us. Frightened of being an outcast, we conform to social demands. We learn to hide our sexuality, resigned to a life pretending to be what we are not.
Before we know it, we are adults and it gets a little harder to stop the act. The game gets more complex, the web of deception so elaborate we cannot risk breaking one thread without compromising everything we have worked for.
We marry, we have kids, we get promoted, we take on a same-sex lover on the side, maybe find a quick relief with anonymous encounters, a masseur, an escort. Our lives choreographed between two realities, one in which we please everyone else, and one in which we please our inner heart. And we pray that these worlds never collide.
But one day, we get careless and we are found out. Secrets, lies, guilt, shame. The picture is ugly. It is a morally unjustifiable scenario, and this is largely the perception of homosexuality for the rest of the world.
A dirty, shameful affair. Nobody thinks back to how as children, we were first taught that in order to survive, it is better to pretend.
Appeal No 3: Imagine what it is like. Imagine children or teenagers growing up with such profound loneliness, confusion, fear, guilt, self-hatred. Imagine living everyday of our lives being afraid we will lose our jobs, our friends, our families, our homes, our very lives, should someone find out who we really are. Imagine the cruelty of being forced to live this way.
Let me love
Then there are those who would rather not pretend. They try for a cure. At one point, I joined a Christian support group that promised to help gay men 'recover' from homosexuality.
A few of the men in the group have now married to women and have children. But they also told me they never completely got rid of their attraction to men. They just learned to just suppress it, as they now have a family to think of. For most of us, the desires don't go away. I don't wish to end up like them.
After 12 years of long lonely nights, I asked myself: What is wrong with a man loving another man? Nobody could give me a satisfactory answer. Is it unnatural? So are nylon, plastic surgery and antibiotics but there are no laws against them. Is it uncommon? So is being albino, but they receive equal rights. Is it sinful? So is living a lie, being a hypocrite. So I decided for myself that 12 years of misery is enough.
I will not marry a woman and pretend to love her and shut up my heart. I will not sacrifice the rest of my life because others are unable to accept my choice for happiness. If your happiness depends on my unhappiness, then I will no longer trust your judgment. I will not live my life according to what someone else thinks is a sin for him.
Appeal No 4: If my relationship doesn't hurt anyone, doesn't take advantage of anyone, doesn't deprive someone else of his or her rights, why does everyone want to take it away from me? If my loving someone doesn't prevent you from loving who you love, then please let me love. Nobody is forcing you to be gay, so don't be forcing me to be straight.
Appeal No 5: So stop blaming LGBTs for breaking up families with our 'selfish choices'. What choice? Nobody chooses a life of stigma and discrimination! And what are we breaking up apart from our parents' equally selfish expectations?
Parents of previous generations used to expect children to take on certain approved career choices, marry spouses of certain ethnicity, give birth to children of certain sex. Our parents have defied some of these expectations themselves. Have they forgotten what it was like? Is it not enough for children to be happy, independent and productive?
Emotional rationales
The truth is, if we are willing to understand more, the information is at our fingertips - just Google: biological and psychological causes, nature and nurture, genetics and epigenetics, interpretations and translations of religious texts.
Many old pop theories have also been debunked: homosexuals are products of domineering mothers and absentee fathers (nope, so many families are like that and most turn out heterosexuals), homosexuality is psychologically unsound (nope, but a lifetime of lying and hiding may result in neuroses), homosexual practices lead to more diseases (nope, no more than heterosexual practices).
Also new insights into historical times have uncovered how the politics of the era produced the early homophobic legislation and Biblical translations we are left with today. Many of these arguments are rational and should appeal to anyone calm enough to see empirical evidences and researched for what they are.
Yet, there is much resistance to these evidences. So maybe some of our reasons are not rational ones but emotional ones. All of us feel we have something at stake. The homosexuals have our lives at the mercy of the majority, and those against homosexuality believe that our families, religion, society, even the future of humankind, are under threat.
Abstract fears sound really scary, they begin in the imagination and end in apocalypse. Those who claim there is a 'gay agenda' insist that it is out to seduce vulnerable children and destroy families. However, studies have shown that many children come to their own realisation of their sexuality, and that majority of child molesters are heterosexuals.
Mind you, if you ask around, most gay men's agenda is to be left alone. As homosexuality affects only a small percentage of the population, treating homosexuals as humans will not suddenly cause people to turn homosexual. That is not even a logical premise.
Naturally, since many of us begin with an emotional premise, it will be hard to be persuaded by any argument if our emotions are not addressed first. Most of our emotions regarding this are a result of a lack of knowledge on the issue which had been used to magnify our fears. But most of the fears are completely unfounded.
So, it is time to move on, accept and learn. Perhaps the media is partly to blame with its tendency to sensationalise. The recent AFP report entitled 'Gay community begins to push the limits' may give the impression that gays are out on the offensive - testing the limits of decency, or as a Malaysiakini letter said, 'imposing their lifestyles on others'.
Imposing my what? Irony check: For centuries, the state has imposed its lifestyles upon us and now when we resist just a little, we are the ones imposing our lifestyles? If anything, it is society that has pushed its limits into us; we are merely trying to claim back our own lives, a chance to live and love like everyone else.
Peace of mind
A few years ago, a minister, commenting on homosexual rights, said that individuals should respect society's rights to peace of mind. How is that equitable? How can you pitch society against one person? For society's peace of mind, some innocent people should go to jail, be insulted daily, be beaten up or live their lives forever in fear of all the above?
Here are some suggestions for better things to lose one's peace of mind to: corruption, racism, chauvinism, increased crime rate, the bursting economic bubble.
To those who believe that homosexuality will cause the collapse of society, let me assure you that it is all these other things we are neglecting while we busy ourselves with other people's private lives that will bring about our ruin.
Honestly, gays are not your problem. For once, I wish straight people will just take ownership of the way they had screwed up society with their machismo and insecurities and stop blaming gays for it. Then together we can work to repair the problems.
The AFP report also claimed there is such a thing as a 'gay movement' in Malaysia. As far as I know, there isn't one. Malaysian gays are too busy getting by with what little rights they have. For the last three years, what we have had is just a coalition of sexual rights activists, comprising of organisations like Suaram, the PT Foundation, Malaysian Bar Council, Kryss, Empower, as well as many concerned individuals, straight and LGBT.
As many of us don't even know our own rights, our concern for now is simply to remind ourselves that we have these rights as Malaysians. Especially the right for each person to be responsible for his or her own body.
We just want to empower the community, appeal for understanding, help families come together, create safe spaces, nurse our wounds, sing some songs, hope for a better tomorrow.
We also organise an annual sexuality rights festival called Seksualiti Merdeka where we uphold sexuality rights as part of human rights.
For Malaysians who think that human rights are not Malaysian values, let me break it down for you: the practise of human rights means you cannot practise it while taking away somebody else's rights, and vice versa. It is a fair deal, no? Unless we are saying being unfair and taking away rights are Malaysian values. No? I hope so.
Yasmin Ahmad once recalled Tagore saying that a strong civilisation is judged by the compassion it shows to its weakest. I believe Malaysia can still be that kind of a country, if we all want it to be.
PANG KHEE TEIK is the arts programme director of The Annexe Gallery. He is also the co-founder of sexuality rights festival Seksualiti Merdeka, and co-editor of Body 2 Body: A Malaysian Queer Anthology.
by Pang Khee Teik
True Malaysian Story No 1: When she turned 13, Alia's father kicked her out of the house for dressing like a girl. As a child, Alia knew she was a girl, so she couldn't understand why her father kept scolding and beating her up for it - 'You're a boy, act like a boy!' Alia went and stayed with another transsexual.
They faced constant harassment from police and religious officers and counted themselves lucky when the worst they got was just extortion (some of her friends weren't so lucky).
Since nobody would give her a job, she was hungry all the time and had to sell her body to survive. When she was 17, she found out she was infected with HIV. She started working for a HIV organisation and saved enough to have a sex reassignment surgery. She also took up a part-time course and received her diploma in draftsmanship.
Alia went back to her kampung to show to her father that she had made something of herself. When she reached her kampung, she found out her father had passed away. She never got the chance.
True Malaysian Story No 2: On the day he was to go back to UK to continue his studies, Chris's parents asked him, son, are you gay? He told them the truth. That afternoon itself, they kicked him out of the home and cut off his allowance and funding. He couldn't continue his studies. A month later, however, still not quite settled, Chris received a call from his mom. Let's reconcile, she said, come back and we'll talk.
When he got home, his parents had called the cops, who took him to a police station and then to a hospital where his father asked the psychiatric unit to cure his son of homosexuality. But homosexuality is no longer regarded as a mental illness by the psychiatric profession worldwide. Two days later, Chris was discharged, but not before he had to pay the hospital fees with money borrowed from friends.
We like to lament that this country will become too liberal and permissive if we allow homosexuality and transsexualism. We believe that these 'vices' are tearing up families and societies. But see for yourselves, my friends, just who is tearing up who.
How many children do we want to kick out into the streets before we feel safe? What kind of a country is this where we consistently subject the most vulnerable segments of our population to more violence and discrimination? We have hatred in the streets, in the parliament, and in the homes. Have we gotten so used to hatred that we need to punish love now?
Acceptance is a family value, too
During a speech at The Annexe Gallery in Kuala Lumpur last year, Marina Mahathir questioned the logic behind the popular assertion that homosexuality causes societal collapse.
She said that if families accepted their children for who they are, there won't be any breaking up of families. They go on being a family. And since families make up the fundamental units of society, if society consists of loving healthy families, how will it collapse?
If we promote healthy, responsible, respectful relationships, regardless of choice of partners, then we are likely to get healthy, responsible, respectful society.
Appeal No 1: Perhaps families need learn to manage our expectations for our children's future more realistically and stop imposing our dreams over their dreams, stop being so violent to their hopes. But wait, people would say, we weren't encouraging violence and hate!
Yet by advocating the idea that homosexuals are somehow 'morally disordered' as the Catholic preacher said in his response to Rev Ouyang Weng Feng, we are condoning the prejudice, the disgust, the hatred. How else should people react to those who are 'morally disordered'?
Even people who sit on their armchairs and surmise, 'Oh, I don't mind homosexuals, but I don't approve of their lifestyle' are encouraged to assume that their approvals are highly sought after for someone else's life.
Disapproval snowballs into disgust, disgust avalanches into violence, until somewhere, a family throws its innocent child into the streets to fend for himself, a bunch of guys rape a lesbian to 'correct' her, some officers beat up a mak nyah till she lays lifeless in the drain, her life not even worth two paragraphs in the news the next day.
And we say no, we didn't beat her up, we didn't condone that violence. Yet our words did that long ago. Words like 'sick', 'immoral', 'pervert'. Words we uttered yesterday become sticks and stones in somebody else's hands tomorrow. The child, the lesbian, the mak nyah were all defenceless against them. So go ahead, tell them you are doing this to them to 'protect' traditional family values. It is easy to debate about homosexuality when it doesn't affect you.
On Malaysiakini recently, folks happily weighed in with opinions, facts, scriptures and outright condemnation, citing everything from theology to biology to the suggestion that people are justified in beating up gays. So macho, kan? Have we forgotten we are talking about real people here? That out there, tragedies are being enacted in the name of 'religion', 'national security', 'Asian values' and what have you.
Appeal No 2: Have we taken the time to really understand and listen to the other side? It is easy to condemn others, it is easy to accept a conclusion first and then find justifications later. How prepared are we to accept that not only were we grievously wrong but that our actions have resulted in so much pain and suffering?
Six times more likely
True Malaysian Story No 3: For 12 years of my life, I stopped myself from falling in love with men. From the age of 14 till I was 26, I tried to go straight. I took an active part in church, I led fellowships, I wrote church musicals. I prayed and fasted and went for church camps. I sang the loudest during worship - I was so annoying! - and desperate for God to hear me! Nothing worked.
Now, all of us recall bouts of depression during our teenage years. For LGBTs, (Lesbians, Gays, Bisexuals, Transgenders) our teen years appear like one long nightmarish bout from which we never wake. Statistically, we are six times more likely to kill ourselves than our straight peers.
Trust me, it is that bad, and then some. Most gays realise we are attracted to the same sex even before puberty and in our teens, we soon discover we are unlike our peers. We are also told we are 'freaks', 'criminals', 'monsters', 'sinners', 'abominations' and deserve to be punished, rejected and beaten up.
We are confused - we didn't choose to feel this way, and we certainly don't want to be so freakish, but the feelings won't go away. We believe something might be fundamentally wrong with us. Frightened of being an outcast, we conform to social demands. We learn to hide our sexuality, resigned to a life pretending to be what we are not.
Before we know it, we are adults and it gets a little harder to stop the act. The game gets more complex, the web of deception so elaborate we cannot risk breaking one thread without compromising everything we have worked for.
We marry, we have kids, we get promoted, we take on a same-sex lover on the side, maybe find a quick relief with anonymous encounters, a masseur, an escort. Our lives choreographed between two realities, one in which we please everyone else, and one in which we please our inner heart. And we pray that these worlds never collide.
But one day, we get careless and we are found out. Secrets, lies, guilt, shame. The picture is ugly. It is a morally unjustifiable scenario, and this is largely the perception of homosexuality for the rest of the world.
A dirty, shameful affair. Nobody thinks back to how as children, we were first taught that in order to survive, it is better to pretend.
Appeal No 3: Imagine what it is like. Imagine children or teenagers growing up with such profound loneliness, confusion, fear, guilt, self-hatred. Imagine living everyday of our lives being afraid we will lose our jobs, our friends, our families, our homes, our very lives, should someone find out who we really are. Imagine the cruelty of being forced to live this way.
Let me love
Then there are those who would rather not pretend. They try for a cure. At one point, I joined a Christian support group that promised to help gay men 'recover' from homosexuality.
A few of the men in the group have now married to women and have children. But they also told me they never completely got rid of their attraction to men. They just learned to just suppress it, as they now have a family to think of. For most of us, the desires don't go away. I don't wish to end up like them.
After 12 years of long lonely nights, I asked myself: What is wrong with a man loving another man? Nobody could give me a satisfactory answer. Is it unnatural? So are nylon, plastic surgery and antibiotics but there are no laws against them. Is it uncommon? So is being albino, but they receive equal rights. Is it sinful? So is living a lie, being a hypocrite. So I decided for myself that 12 years of misery is enough.
I will not marry a woman and pretend to love her and shut up my heart. I will not sacrifice the rest of my life because others are unable to accept my choice for happiness. If your happiness depends on my unhappiness, then I will no longer trust your judgment. I will not live my life according to what someone else thinks is a sin for him.
Appeal No 4: If my relationship doesn't hurt anyone, doesn't take advantage of anyone, doesn't deprive someone else of his or her rights, why does everyone want to take it away from me? If my loving someone doesn't prevent you from loving who you love, then please let me love. Nobody is forcing you to be gay, so don't be forcing me to be straight.
Appeal No 5: So stop blaming LGBTs for breaking up families with our 'selfish choices'. What choice? Nobody chooses a life of stigma and discrimination! And what are we breaking up apart from our parents' equally selfish expectations?
Parents of previous generations used to expect children to take on certain approved career choices, marry spouses of certain ethnicity, give birth to children of certain sex. Our parents have defied some of these expectations themselves. Have they forgotten what it was like? Is it not enough for children to be happy, independent and productive?
Emotional rationales
The truth is, if we are willing to understand more, the information is at our fingertips - just Google: biological and psychological causes, nature and nurture, genetics and epigenetics, interpretations and translations of religious texts.
Many old pop theories have also been debunked: homosexuals are products of domineering mothers and absentee fathers (nope, so many families are like that and most turn out heterosexuals), homosexuality is psychologically unsound (nope, but a lifetime of lying and hiding may result in neuroses), homosexual practices lead to more diseases (nope, no more than heterosexual practices).
Also new insights into historical times have uncovered how the politics of the era produced the early homophobic legislation and Biblical translations we are left with today. Many of these arguments are rational and should appeal to anyone calm enough to see empirical evidences and researched for what they are.
Yet, there is much resistance to these evidences. So maybe some of our reasons are not rational ones but emotional ones. All of us feel we have something at stake. The homosexuals have our lives at the mercy of the majority, and those against homosexuality believe that our families, religion, society, even the future of humankind, are under threat.
Abstract fears sound really scary, they begin in the imagination and end in apocalypse. Those who claim there is a 'gay agenda' insist that it is out to seduce vulnerable children and destroy families. However, studies have shown that many children come to their own realisation of their sexuality, and that majority of child molesters are heterosexuals.
Mind you, if you ask around, most gay men's agenda is to be left alone. As homosexuality affects only a small percentage of the population, treating homosexuals as humans will not suddenly cause people to turn homosexual. That is not even a logical premise.
Naturally, since many of us begin with an emotional premise, it will be hard to be persuaded by any argument if our emotions are not addressed first. Most of our emotions regarding this are a result of a lack of knowledge on the issue which had been used to magnify our fears. But most of the fears are completely unfounded.
So, it is time to move on, accept and learn. Perhaps the media is partly to blame with its tendency to sensationalise. The recent AFP report entitled 'Gay community begins to push the limits' may give the impression that gays are out on the offensive - testing the limits of decency, or as a Malaysiakini letter said, 'imposing their lifestyles on others'.
Imposing my what? Irony check: For centuries, the state has imposed its lifestyles upon us and now when we resist just a little, we are the ones imposing our lifestyles? If anything, it is society that has pushed its limits into us; we are merely trying to claim back our own lives, a chance to live and love like everyone else.
Peace of mind
A few years ago, a minister, commenting on homosexual rights, said that individuals should respect society's rights to peace of mind. How is that equitable? How can you pitch society against one person? For society's peace of mind, some innocent people should go to jail, be insulted daily, be beaten up or live their lives forever in fear of all the above?
Here are some suggestions for better things to lose one's peace of mind to: corruption, racism, chauvinism, increased crime rate, the bursting economic bubble.
To those who believe that homosexuality will cause the collapse of society, let me assure you that it is all these other things we are neglecting while we busy ourselves with other people's private lives that will bring about our ruin.
Honestly, gays are not your problem. For once, I wish straight people will just take ownership of the way they had screwed up society with their machismo and insecurities and stop blaming gays for it. Then together we can work to repair the problems.
The AFP report also claimed there is such a thing as a 'gay movement' in Malaysia. As far as I know, there isn't one. Malaysian gays are too busy getting by with what little rights they have. For the last three years, what we have had is just a coalition of sexual rights activists, comprising of organisations like Suaram, the PT Foundation, Malaysian Bar Council, Kryss, Empower, as well as many concerned individuals, straight and LGBT.
As many of us don't even know our own rights, our concern for now is simply to remind ourselves that we have these rights as Malaysians. Especially the right for each person to be responsible for his or her own body.
We just want to empower the community, appeal for understanding, help families come together, create safe spaces, nurse our wounds, sing some songs, hope for a better tomorrow.
We also organise an annual sexuality rights festival called Seksualiti Merdeka where we uphold sexuality rights as part of human rights.
For Malaysians who think that human rights are not Malaysian values, let me break it down for you: the practise of human rights means you cannot practise it while taking away somebody else's rights, and vice versa. It is a fair deal, no? Unless we are saying being unfair and taking away rights are Malaysian values. No? I hope so.
Yasmin Ahmad once recalled Tagore saying that a strong civilisation is judged by the compassion it shows to its weakest. I believe Malaysia can still be that kind of a country, if we all want it to be.
PANG KHEE TEIK is the arts programme director of The Annexe Gallery. He is also the co-founder of sexuality rights festival Seksualiti Merdeka, and co-editor of Body 2 Body: A Malaysian Queer Anthology.
Are you born gay? What causes people to be gay?
There is no simple answer to the question, 'Are some people born lesbian or gay?' There are some theories that stress biological differences between heterosexual and homosexual adults, suggesting that people are born with their sexuality already determined.
Are people born gay or choose to be gay?
The American researcher Dean Hamer published research that seemed to prove that homosexual orientation could be genetically transmitted to men on the x chromosome, which they get from their mothers. However when this study was duplicated it did not produce the same results. A follow-up study which Hamer collaborated on also failed to reinforce his earlier results.8
Subsequent research published by George Rice and George Ebers of the Universty of Western Ontario has cast doubt on Hamer's theory. Rice and Ebers' research also tested the same region of the x chromosome in a larger sample of gay men, but failed to find the same 'marker' that Hamer's research had found.9 Claims that the part of the brain known as the hypothalamus is influential in determining sexual orientation, have yet to be substantiated.10 It is generally thought that biological explanations of sexuality are insufficient to explain the diversity of human sexuality.11 12
“How can science tell you what I am? I mean I've had boyfriends, and was happy with them, had girlfriends and may have boyfriends again for all I know. If it's a gay gene what's going on? Is it just turning itself on and off in my head? It doesn't feel like biology it feels like love.”Jo
Psycho-social explanations offer a variety of factors that could contribute to the development of a person's homosexuality. For example, a female dominated upbringing in a gay man's past, with an absence of a male role model. Others stress adherence or deviance from conformity to gender roles, and individual psychological makeup.13 While none of these factors alone completely answers the question 'what causes homosexuality?', they rule out some things. For example, lesbian and gay young people are not 'failed' heterosexuals. Also, homosexual partners are generally of the same age proving wrong the assumptions that young people are 'turned gay' by older people.
What is clear is that people's behaviour is influenced by their family environment, their experiences and their sense of themselves. Beliefs about sex are initially shaped by family values. Later on these beliefs may be shaped by pleasant and unpleasant experiences of sex and also shape their choice of activities and partners. Throughout their life a person's sense of who and what they are has a strong impact on their sexual development and experience.
Are people born gay or choose to be gay?
The American researcher Dean Hamer published research that seemed to prove that homosexual orientation could be genetically transmitted to men on the x chromosome, which they get from their mothers. However when this study was duplicated it did not produce the same results. A follow-up study which Hamer collaborated on also failed to reinforce his earlier results.8
Subsequent research published by George Rice and George Ebers of the Universty of Western Ontario has cast doubt on Hamer's theory. Rice and Ebers' research also tested the same region of the x chromosome in a larger sample of gay men, but failed to find the same 'marker' that Hamer's research had found.9 Claims that the part of the brain known as the hypothalamus is influential in determining sexual orientation, have yet to be substantiated.10 It is generally thought that biological explanations of sexuality are insufficient to explain the diversity of human sexuality.11 12
“How can science tell you what I am? I mean I've had boyfriends, and was happy with them, had girlfriends and may have boyfriends again for all I know. If it's a gay gene what's going on? Is it just turning itself on and off in my head? It doesn't feel like biology it feels like love.”Jo
Psycho-social explanations offer a variety of factors that could contribute to the development of a person's homosexuality. For example, a female dominated upbringing in a gay man's past, with an absence of a male role model. Others stress adherence or deviance from conformity to gender roles, and individual psychological makeup.13 While none of these factors alone completely answers the question 'what causes homosexuality?', they rule out some things. For example, lesbian and gay young people are not 'failed' heterosexuals. Also, homosexual partners are generally of the same age proving wrong the assumptions that young people are 'turned gay' by older people.
What is clear is that people's behaviour is influenced by their family environment, their experiences and their sense of themselves. Beliefs about sex are initially shaped by family values. Later on these beliefs may be shaped by pleasant and unpleasant experiences of sex and also shape their choice of activities and partners. Throughout their life a person's sense of who and what they are has a strong impact on their sexual development and experience.
What are the HIV risks for lesbians?
HIV is in the blood, breast milk, vaginal fluid or semen of someone with HIV, so you are at risk if you get any of these fluids inside your body. The risks of sexually transmitting HIV between women are low. Very few women are known to have passed HIV on to other women sexually.5 However, some lesbian sexual practices do carry a risk of HIV transmission and precautions need to be taken to protect against infection.6
Oral sex - the risk of HIV being passed on through oral sex is low, but it is increased if a woman has cuts or sores in her mouth, or if the partner receiving oral sex has sores on her genitals or is having her period. Oral sex is safer if you use a 'dental dam' (a square of latex or cling film) to stop any vaginal fluid or menstrual blood getting into your mouth. A condom cut open and spread flat can also be used for this.
Sharing sex toys - sharing sex toys (for example vibrators) can be risky if they have vaginal fluids (juice), blood or faeces on them. Always clean them well and have one each. This is one area of sex where sharing is a bad idea!
Rough sex - any sexual activity that can lead to bleeding or cuts/breaks in the lining of vagina or anus is risky, including 'fisting' or certain S&M (sadomasochism) activities.
Donor insemination - if a woman is thinking about using a sperm donor to get pregnant, she needs to be aware of the potential donor's detailed medical history and any possible risk factors - including drug use and sexual history. It is important that the donor has taken an HIV tes
Oral sex - the risk of HIV being passed on through oral sex is low, but it is increased if a woman has cuts or sores in her mouth, or if the partner receiving oral sex has sores on her genitals or is having her period. Oral sex is safer if you use a 'dental dam' (a square of latex or cling film) to stop any vaginal fluid or menstrual blood getting into your mouth. A condom cut open and spread flat can also be used for this.
Sharing sex toys - sharing sex toys (for example vibrators) can be risky if they have vaginal fluids (juice), blood or faeces on them. Always clean them well and have one each. This is one area of sex where sharing is a bad idea!
Rough sex - any sexual activity that can lead to bleeding or cuts/breaks in the lining of vagina or anus is risky, including 'fisting' or certain S&M (sadomasochism) activities.
Donor insemination - if a woman is thinking about using a sperm donor to get pregnant, she needs to be aware of the potential donor's detailed medical history and any possible risk factors - including drug use and sexual history. It is important that the donor has taken an HIV tes
What role can schools play in HIV prevention for young gay men?
Schools have a very important part to play in supporting HIV prevention for young gay men. This does not mean that schools are a good place to do prevention work which is just aimed at young gay men, because they are not generally places where they feel safe and secure about being identified. But in whatever HIV prevention schools do through their health education provision there should be acknowledgement that in almost every group of young people there will be at least one young gay person and therefore the HIV prevention should acknowledge their needs and experiences. Moreover, all young people, whether they are gay or heterosexual, need to know about and to understand the experiences and particular risks that young gay men may be at. This can help reduce stigma and prejudices which still exist about gay men and HIV and means that heterosexual young people do not grow up thinking that the disease only affects them.
Raising the issue of homosexuality can be difficult because it is politically sensitive. One good reason to make sure homosexuality is covered is because in every school there will be young men who either know that they are gay or might have a sexual relationship with another man at some point in their lives. If they do not receive information about condom use, sources of advice and support and so on, which is relevant to them it can place them at additional risk of becoming infected with HIV. Other good reasons are:
All young people have a right to accurate information about sex and sexuality
The primary purpose of sex education is to enable young people to have control over and get satisfaction from their sexual lives and relationships. In order to do this they need information which is relevant to them, regardless of their sexual orientation. If sex education does not include coverage of relationships and sexuality other than those between men and women it not only excludes young gay men, lesbians and bisexual people, but also does not prepare young people to live with, tolerate and understand people who are sexually different from themselves. It is practically impossible to discuss issues like gender, sexual identity, HIV and AIDS and sexual feelings and relationships properly without dealing with sexual differences and orientation.
Young people are already talking about homosexuality
Even when formal teaching and learning in a school does not cover issues to do with knowledge, attitudes and beliefs about gay men, lesbians and bisexual people, this does not mean that young people do not talk about it. In fact, young people talk about sexual difference a lot, but are often not well informed. Bringing some discussion into the formal context of sex education and other relevant subjects like lessons on literature and history provides teachers with an opportunity to correct misinformation and explore the basis and effects of prejudice and discrimination
Reducing sexual risks
Providing young gay men with information about safer sex which is relevant to them can help enable them to reduce the risks they might run of becoming infected with HIV. Young heterosexual people may also believe that HIV is something which only affects gay men and therefore be taking additional sexual risks. Providing accurate information about risky activities rather than groups which are at risk of HIV can help redress this.
Reducing stigma and bullying
Young people can be very prejudiced about homosexuality and particularly towards gay men. It is very common for homophobic comments to play a part in bullying. Many young gay men have terrible experiences of school as a result. Schools need both to have policies about behaviour which make it clear that this is unacceptable and to address the misconceptions on which prejudices are generally based through positive teaching.
Raising the issue of homosexuality can be difficult because it is politically sensitive. One good reason to make sure homosexuality is covered is because in every school there will be young men who either know that they are gay or might have a sexual relationship with another man at some point in their lives. If they do not receive information about condom use, sources of advice and support and so on, which is relevant to them it can place them at additional risk of becoming infected with HIV. Other good reasons are:
All young people have a right to accurate information about sex and sexuality
The primary purpose of sex education is to enable young people to have control over and get satisfaction from their sexual lives and relationships. In order to do this they need information which is relevant to them, regardless of their sexual orientation. If sex education does not include coverage of relationships and sexuality other than those between men and women it not only excludes young gay men, lesbians and bisexual people, but also does not prepare young people to live with, tolerate and understand people who are sexually different from themselves. It is practically impossible to discuss issues like gender, sexual identity, HIV and AIDS and sexual feelings and relationships properly without dealing with sexual differences and orientation.
Young people are already talking about homosexuality
Even when formal teaching and learning in a school does not cover issues to do with knowledge, attitudes and beliefs about gay men, lesbians and bisexual people, this does not mean that young people do not talk about it. In fact, young people talk about sexual difference a lot, but are often not well informed. Bringing some discussion into the formal context of sex education and other relevant subjects like lessons on literature and history provides teachers with an opportunity to correct misinformation and explore the basis and effects of prejudice and discrimination
Reducing sexual risks
Providing young gay men with information about safer sex which is relevant to them can help enable them to reduce the risks they might run of becoming infected with HIV. Young heterosexual people may also believe that HIV is something which only affects gay men and therefore be taking additional sexual risks. Providing accurate information about risky activities rather than groups which are at risk of HIV can help redress this.
Reducing stigma and bullying
Young people can be very prejudiced about homosexuality and particularly towards gay men. It is very common for homophobic comments to play a part in bullying. Many young gay men have terrible experiences of school as a result. Schools need both to have policies about behaviour which make it clear that this is unacceptable and to address the misconceptions on which prejudices are generally based through positive teaching.
Gay men and HIV/AIDS
In many countries, men who have sex with men have been heavily affected by HIV and AIDS. HIV prevalence among men who have sex with men has been found to be as high as 25% in Ghana, 30% in Jamaica, 43% in coastal Kenya and 25% in Thailand.12 In the USA, Canada, Australia, New Zealand and many parts of Western Europe, more people have become infected with HIV through male-male sex than through any other transmission route.13
On the basis of these figures gay men have been stigmatised for being promiscuous and taking unnecessary sexual risks. However, evidence suggests that on the contrary gay men have been very sensitive and responsive in regard to safer sex promotion, which has been shown to significantly increase condom use among men who have sex with men.14 15 The high rate of infection reflects a complex relationship between a lack of information, particularly in the early days of the epidemic, patterns of sexual activity, the risk of infection and prevalence of the virus among gay men.
In response to the global AIDS epidemic and increased awareness about the high HIV risks of anal sex, many gay men who previously had penetrative sex altered their behaviour.16 17 However, HIV infection rates among men who have sex with men in many Western countries have increased in recent years, which can be attributed partly to increases in high risk sexual behaviours such as anal sex.18 19 Maintaining safer sex practices requires the continued reinforcement of HIV prevention messages and services, which are failing to reach a great number of gay men around the world.20 It is also suggested that the availability and effectiveness of antiretroviral drugs has led many gay men to underestimate the consequences of HIV infection.21 The urgent need for HIV prevention among men who have sex with men is not just apparent in Western countries; sex between men is a primary HIV transmission route in Latin America, and there is growing evidence that male-male HIV transmission is a significant problem in Eastern Europe, Asia and Africa.
On the basis of these figures gay men have been stigmatised for being promiscuous and taking unnecessary sexual risks. However, evidence suggests that on the contrary gay men have been very sensitive and responsive in regard to safer sex promotion, which has been shown to significantly increase condom use among men who have sex with men.14 15 The high rate of infection reflects a complex relationship between a lack of information, particularly in the early days of the epidemic, patterns of sexual activity, the risk of infection and prevalence of the virus among gay men.
In response to the global AIDS epidemic and increased awareness about the high HIV risks of anal sex, many gay men who previously had penetrative sex altered their behaviour.16 17 However, HIV infection rates among men who have sex with men in many Western countries have increased in recent years, which can be attributed partly to increases in high risk sexual behaviours such as anal sex.18 19 Maintaining safer sex practices requires the continued reinforcement of HIV prevention messages and services, which are failing to reach a great number of gay men around the world.20 It is also suggested that the availability and effectiveness of antiretroviral drugs has led many gay men to underestimate the consequences of HIV infection.21 The urgent need for HIV prevention among men who have sex with men is not just apparent in Western countries; sex between men is a primary HIV transmission route in Latin America, and there is growing evidence that male-male HIV transmission is a significant problem in Eastern Europe, Asia and Africa.
Sunday, February 20, 2011
A Gay Ugandan
NAIROBI, Kenya — David Kato knew he was a marked man.
Related
Remembering David Kato, a Gay Ugandan and a Marked Man (January 30, 2011)
The Lede Blog: Before His Death, Ugandan Gay Rights Activist Explained Hostile Climate (January 27, 2011)
As the most outspoken gay rights advocate in Uganda, a country where homophobia is so severe that Parliament is considering a bill to execute gay people, Mr. Kato had received a stream of death threats, his friends said. A few months ago, a Ugandan newspaper ran an antigay diatribe with Mr. Kato’s picture on the front page under a banner urging, “Hang Them.”
On Wednesday afternoon, Mr. Kato was beaten to death with a hammer in his rough-and-tumble neighborhood. Police officials were quick to chalk up the motive to robbery, but members of the small and increasingly besieged gay community in Uganda suspect otherwise.
“David’s death is a result of the hatred planted in Uganda by U.S. evangelicals in 2009,” Val Kalende, the chairwoman of one of Uganda’s gay rights groups, said in a statement. “The Ugandan government and the so-called U.S. evangelicals must take responsibility for David’s blood.”
Ms. Kalende was referring to visits in March 2009 by a group of American evangelicals, who held rallies and workshops in Uganda discussing how to turn gay people straight, how gay men sodomized teenage boys and how “the gay movement is an evil institution” intended to “defeat the marriage-based society.”
The Americans involved said they had no intention of stoking a violent reaction. But the antigay bill was drafted shortly thereafter. Some of the Ugandan politicians and preachers who wrote it had attended those sessions and said that they had discussed the legislation with the Americans.
After growing international pressure and threats from a few European countries to cut assistance — Uganda relies on hundreds of millions of dollars of aid — Uganda’s president, Yoweri Museveni, indicated that the bill would be scrapped.
But more than a year later, that has not happened, and the legislation remains a simmering issue in Parliament. Some political analysts say the bill could be passed in the coming months, after a general election in February that is expected to return Mr. Museveni, who has been in office for 25 years, to power.
On Thursday, Don Schmierer, one of the American evangelicals who visited Uganda in 2009, said Mr. Kato’s death was “horrible.”
“Naturally, I don’t want anyone killed, but I don’t feel I had anything to do with that,” said Mr. Schmierer, who added that in Uganda he had focused on parenting skills. He also said that he had been a target of threats himself, recently receiving more than 600 messages of hate mail related to his visit.
“I spoke to help people,” he said, “and I’m getting bludgeoned from one end to the other.”
Many Africans view homosexuality as an immoral Western import, and the continent is full of harsh homophobic laws. In northern Nigeria, gay men can face death by stoning. In Kenya, which is considered one of the more Westernized nations in Africa, gay people can be sentenced to years in prison.
But Uganda seems to be on the front lines of this battle. Conservative Christian groups that espouse antigay beliefs have made great headway in this country and wield considerable influence. Uganda’s minister of ethics and integrity, James Nsaba Buturo, who describes himself as a devout Christian, has said, “Homosexuals can forget about human rights.”
At the same time, American groups that defend gay rights have also poured money into Uganda to help the beleaguered gay community.
In October, a Ugandan newspaper called Rolling Stone (with a circulation of roughly 2,000 and no connection to the American magazine) published an article that included photos and the whereabouts of gay men and lesbians, including several well-known activists like Mr. Kato.
The paper said homosexuals were raiding schools and recruiting children, a belief that is quite widespread in Uganda and has helped drive the homophobia.
Mr. Kato and a few other activists sued the paper and won. This month, Uganda’s High Court ordered Rolling Stone to pay hundreds of dollars in damages and to cease publishing the names of people it said were gay.
But the danger remained.
“I had to move houses,” said Stosh Mugisha, a woman who is going through a transition to become a man. “People tried to stone me. It’s so scary. And it’s getting worse.”
On Thursday, Giles Muhame, Rolling Stone’s managing editor, said he did not think that Mr. Kato’s killing had anything to do with what his paper had published.
“There is no need for anxiety or for hype,” he said. “We should not overblow the death of one.”
But that one man was considered a founding father of Uganda’s nascent gay rights movement. In an interview in 2009, Mr. Kato shared his life story, how he was raised in a conservative family where “we grew up brainwashed that it was wrong to be in love with a man.”
He was a high school teacher who had graduated from some of Uganda’s best schools, and he moved to South Africa in the mid-1990s, where he came out. A few years ago, he organized what he claimed was Uganda’s first gay rights news conference in Kampala, the capital, and said he was punched in the face and cracked in the nose by police officers soon afterward.
Friends said that Mr. Kato had recently put an alarm system in his house and was killed by an acquaintance, someone who had been inside several times before and was seen by neighbors on Wednesday. Mr. Kato’s neighborhood on the outskirts of Kampala is known as a rough one, where several people have recently been beaten to death with iron bars.
Judith Nabakooba, a police spokeswoman, said Mr. Kato’s death did not appear to be a hate crime, though the investigation had just started. “It looks like theft, as some things were stolen,” Ms. Nabakooba said.
But Nikki Mawanda, a friend who was born female and lives as a man, said: “This is a clear signal. You don’t know who’s going to do it to you.”
Mr. Kato was in his mid-40s, his friends said. He was a fast talker, fidgety, bespectacled, slightly built and constantly checking over his shoulder, even in the envelope of darkness of an empty lot near a disco, where he was interviewed in 2009.
He said then that he wanted to be a “good human rights defender, not a dead one, but an alive one
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
Homosexual Marriage
Same-sex marriage has been the most highly debated issue that homosexual communities have been dealing with in recent years. Gay marriage and gay marriage rights have been major issues that the LGBT community has been pushing for in order for them to be truly integrated in society on an equal level with heterosexuals.
Their push for reformation of marriage laws that currently define marriage as only between a man and a woman is a way to normalize and recognize same-sex relationships and their equal value (hence same-sex marriage is also billed as “equality marriage”) within a society.
The first countries to openly allow same-sex marriage have been Western European countries. One can have the same legal benefits and recognition though a same-sex marriage as though a traditional marriage in countries like Spain, Sweden, Norway, the Netherlands as well as Canada and South Africa. More European nations such as Slovenia, Luxembourg and Portugal have made clear steps towards adopting legislation that would make marriage a gender-neutral term and allow same-sex couples to enjoy the same benefits as traditional couples.
The complexity of the United States and its social diversity allows for more heated debate on this matter. So far most legislative efforts towards recognizing same-sex marriages have been targeted at a state level. There have been a few states — New Hampshire, Iowa, Massachusetts, Vermont and Connecticut — as well as the District of Columbia, that have embraced a gender-neutral definition of marriage and allow couples to have the same benefits as partners within a traditional marriage. However, anti same-sex marriage initiatives like Proposition 8 (also known as the California Marriage Protection Act) that specifically restrain the meaning of marriage to a union between a man and a woman, have added more support to movements against same-sex marriages.
The American Psychology Association testified in the California Supreme Court that legislative efforts to ban same-sex marriages will only result in reinforcing more hate and discrimination against homosexual individuals. The complete testimony can be found here.
Same-sex marriage has been the most highly debated issue that homosexual communities have been dealing with in recent years. Gay marriage and gay marriage rights have been major issues that the LGBT community has been pushing for in order for them to be truly integrated in society on an equal level with heterosexuals.
Their push for reformation of marriage laws that currently define marriage as only between a man and a woman is a way to normalize and recognize same-sex relationships and their equal value (hence same-sex marriage is also billed as “equality marriage”) within a society.
The first countries to openly allow same-sex marriage have been Western European countries. One can have the same legal benefits and recognition though a same-sex marriage as though a traditional marriage in countries like Spain, Sweden, Norway, the Netherlands as well as Canada and South Africa. More European nations such as Slovenia, Luxembourg and Portugal have made clear steps towards adopting legislation that would make marriage a gender-neutral term and allow same-sex couples to enjoy the same benefits as traditional couples.
The complexity of the United States and its social diversity allows for more heated debate on this matter. So far most legislative efforts towards recognizing same-sex marriages have been targeted at a state level. There have been a few states — New Hampshire, Iowa, Massachusetts, Vermont and Connecticut — as well as the District of Columbia, that have embraced a gender-neutral definition of marriage and allow couples to have the same benefits as partners within a traditional marriage. However, anti same-sex marriage initiatives like Proposition 8 (also known as the California Marriage Protection Act) that specifically restrain the meaning of marriage to a union between a man and a woman, have added more support to movements against same-sex marriages.
The American Psychology Association testified in the California Supreme Court that legislative efforts to ban same-sex marriages will only result in reinforcing more hate and discrimination against homosexual individuals. The complete testimony can be found here.
Homosexual Issues
Current homosexual issues are central to the gay rights movement as they work towards gaining equal status for LGBT communities within societies.
Legal Issues
Civil unions as well as adoption rights have been issues long debated by the gay community. Being eligible to have equal tax benefits like traditional married couples, as well as the ability of same-sex couples to adopt children, have been two major issues gay communities have been campaigning for. Ending discrimination in the workplace has been another major concern for the homosexual community.
Political Issues
Within the realm of politics, there have been two major issues the homosexual community has been lobbying for: allowing openly gay and lesbian individuals to join the military force as well as legalizing same-sex marriages across states. President Obama’s recent remarks regarding his commitment to end Clinton’s “Don’t ask, don’t tell” policy and allow openly gay and lesbian people to join the military have allowed the gay rights movement to be confident of possible breakthrough legislation in this direction. However, in terms of same-sex marriages, each state has had different stances on this issue, and so far there is no support at the federal level for any legislative initiative in this matter. To read more about the contentious gay marriage debate and gay marriage issues, visit our “Homosexual Marriage” page.
Social Issues
Broad social issues concerning the homosexual community target raising awareness of their specific gender and sexual identity and thus creating more tolerance of homosexual individuals. LGBT centers in many universities host events, invest in the production of scholarships in this field, as well as build awareness on campuses across the nation.
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
Is Homosexuality genetic or learned?
Is homosexuality genetic or learned? Ever since the gay rights movement started in the 1970's, the world of science started looking for answers to this question. There are two distinct schools of thought on this issue. One states that homosexuality is genetic and believes in the gay gene. Another group of scientists state that it is a learned behavior that develops consciously or subconsciously as a sexual preference, just like heterosexuality.
Several studies have been conducted around the gay gene concept to prove that homosexuality has a hormonal and genetic basis. This has been supported by gay rights activists who believe that "people are born gay and cannot be changed". In 2003, researchers in University of East London carried out a study on several men and women (a mixed group on both homosexual and heterosexual) in which they learned that the Xq28 region of the X chromosome to be the cause of homosexuality and that it is genetic and not learned. However, most of these studies have been declared as methodically uneven and have been rejected by the scientific and the psychiatric world.
On the other hand, there have also been numerous studies carried out to prove that homosexuality is not a genetic, but a learned behavior, and that people are not "born" gay. In 2003, Dr. Robert Spitzer from Columbia University published a study called Archives of Sexual Behavior. Dr. Spitzer had been one of the main driving forces in eliminating homosexuality from the American Psychiatric Association's list of mental disorders in 1973. In his study, he stated that people can get transformed from homosexuality to heterosexuality through therapy and counseling. In spite of multiple studies and research performed, the battle of two groups is still raging and no definitive answer of the learned versus genetic debate has been found yet.
Early sign of Homosexuality
A majority of experts agree that homosexuality is a conscious choice. However, some recent research has claimed to have found the homosexuality gene. Whichever group you wish to believe in, most experts agree that there are some common early signs associated with being gay.
Perhaps one of the most common early signs is cross-dressing. Children are curious and they will often experiment with clothes 'traditionally' worn by the other gender. A continuous and consistent display of this tendency is believed to be an early sign that the child is gay. Children exhibit these signs from as early as three years. Be sure that you document these early instances to understand your child better.
Another common trait is the fascination with dolls, doll-houses, dressing up dolls, in the case of boys. For girls, however, playing with action figures, toy guns, toy cars, etc, are absolutely acceptable behaviors. If you find the boy's closet lined with trinkets like doll jewelry, it is an early sign that the boy may lean towards homosexuality. In case of girls, it is a bit more difficult to determine.
Clearer signs of a child's sexuality emerge as he/she grows up. What programs do they watch on TV? What kind of comics do they read? Which type of toys do they demand? How do they interact with friends over the phone? The answers to all these questions can detect early signs of homosexuality. Any behavior that is a deviation from traditional choices should indicate that there is a chance of the child choosing homosexuality. A boy adapting the sing-song tone of his girlfriends, their gushing speech style, eye rolls, and other common forms of expression could be signs that the child will tilt towards homosexuality when he grows up.
Another argument being put forward is that gay parents tend to encourage homosexuality. This theorizing arises from the fact that gay parents are more tolerant to early signs of homosexuality than straight ones. What heterosexual couples may find deviant, the gay parents tend to accept and not reprimand. The theory is yet to be definitively proven
Perhaps one of the most common early signs is cross-dressing. Children are curious and they will often experiment with clothes 'traditionally' worn by the other gender. A continuous and consistent display of this tendency is believed to be an early sign that the child is gay. Children exhibit these signs from as early as three years. Be sure that you document these early instances to understand your child better.
Another common trait is the fascination with dolls, doll-houses, dressing up dolls, in the case of boys. For girls, however, playing with action figures, toy guns, toy cars, etc, are absolutely acceptable behaviors. If you find the boy's closet lined with trinkets like doll jewelry, it is an early sign that the boy may lean towards homosexuality. In case of girls, it is a bit more difficult to determine.
Clearer signs of a child's sexuality emerge as he/she grows up. What programs do they watch on TV? What kind of comics do they read? Which type of toys do they demand? How do they interact with friends over the phone? The answers to all these questions can detect early signs of homosexuality. Any behavior that is a deviation from traditional choices should indicate that there is a chance of the child choosing homosexuality. A boy adapting the sing-song tone of his girlfriends, their gushing speech style, eye rolls, and other common forms of expression could be signs that the child will tilt towards homosexuality when he grows up.
Another argument being put forward is that gay parents tend to encourage homosexuality. This theorizing arises from the fact that gay parents are more tolerant to early signs of homosexuality than straight ones. What heterosexual couples may find deviant, the gay parents tend to accept and not reprimand. The theory is yet to be definitively proven
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